my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
