Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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