Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
