i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
