On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
