He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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