I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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