I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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