I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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