Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
