Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
