Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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