I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I'm really busy with my period
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