Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
