anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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