can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
