Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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