Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Randomize
