dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
