Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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