Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
