Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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