Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
