I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
