My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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