you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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