If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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