If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I could fuck to npr.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
