never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
