i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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