And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize
