why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
