do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
i think i just naturally attract stoners
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
