This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
look no pants
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
