Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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