Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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