I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
