ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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