Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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