oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
