should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
