please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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