the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
