What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
