You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
