me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
