i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
