Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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