I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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