I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
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