i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
