someone threw a dead crab at me
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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